Aug 23, 2010

My Dad Is A Serial Killer


It's true.


He has a compulsion he cannot resist.


It started at an early age. Some would say a learned behavior.


Don't these photos look like they belong in the opening sequence for Seven, complete with Nine Inch Nails soundtrack and someone x-acto knifing off their fingerprints? No? Hmmm. Just me then.

He has documented it well.


Some keep baby photos. His keepsakes are his babies, too. Six pounds, five ounces indeed.


His obsession has not waned through the years.


It has only grown stronger with time. Though this moment was probably the pinnacle of it's swankiness factor.


This addiction is the constant through the decades. That, and the mustache.


He has tasted true bliss and will not betray it.


Behind the wheel of his bass boat he is a god. The deity... "Scott."


Uncle Bill, Uncle Larry, Uncle Pete. Only one of these men is actually our real uncle. But spilling some blood makes you blood... that, and marrying our aunt.

He has lured many a co-conspirator into his dark undertaking.


He even caught our mom.


Some might say his greatest catch.


Growing up his trophies lined our living room walls.


His handiwork filled our bellies (and our sinks.)


Seriously. WTF?


But like his love for the catch, our love for him is also unwavering.


We see his truth and do not flinch.


This is the moment where Kathleen became a vegetarian. Oh, wait, a vegetarian who eats fish. Nevermind.

Which leaves only one question unanswered...


...can social services still take you away if you're thirty-five?

Um, yeah. Our dad also has a blog. No surprise there. If you go to Old Fish & Such you can see his "Play Bait" of the month. For real.


  1. OH MY GOSH. Your dad is totally Ron Jeremy in picture #2. RON JEREMY.

  2. Most people think he looks like Walter Matthau, which is much nicer to have as a dad lookalike than... ick, Ron Jeremy. Really? Oh well, I guess I shouldn't be surprised, especially with the last picture and all.

  3. 1. I clearly want to eat that fish right there. I'm all "hey! sushi anyone?"

    2. Dad looks JUST like Donny in the photo where uncle Bill is wearing the red coat.

    3. That last photo - now I know where I get it from.

    4. Look how stoned mom looks in that photo!

    5. This post made me cry a little bit. In a good way.

    6. I need more plaid in my life.

  4. I thought the last photo was a hoot. And I think your dad looks like Mario.

  5. Dad does look just like Donny in the camo outfit, Kathleen!

    As a little girl it always made it really easy to draw pictures of my family, because my dad ALWAYS had that mustache.

    Thanks Fifi. Mario is a rockstar in our household (if you mean as in the Super Brother Mario).

    And thanks ciupa for thinking "funny" not "oooh... creepy."

  6. My dad is a serial killer too -- commercial fishing for 20 years, and now he fishes/crabs/clam digs as a hobby. :) I asked him how many boats he ACTUALLY has and he said, "... a few". (I think it's like 8 or 9, but it's tough to say...)

  7. Wow, your dad is like "Deadliest Catch" going on there, Saucy Britches!